Things Someone Should Have Told Me

So I’ve been thinking about what kinds of things to write about today and the first things that came to mind were my two precious dogs I lost this winter. But I don’t feel like crying right now and I didn’t want to have my first blog in a couple of weeks be depressing.  Some other day I’ll talk about Ellie and Jett.  Today though, I thought I would go through a few topics of Things Someone Should Have Told Me. Maybe some of these will be helpful to someone else searching for answers and truth while contemplating new ventures.

COLLEGE GRADUATE

Western CT State University my alma mater

Western CT State University my alma mater

Someone should have told me:

1) You will have one very big bill for the rest of your life and it keeps getting bigger and bigger thanks to interest.

2) Things you love to do and study hard for will not be lucrative. When you get out of college you will find a job anywhere (mostly because of #1) and the degree you hold very rarely becomes the field you will make money in. But you will dream of using that degree for a very long time.

3) When you do finally get a job in your field you will never want to leave it, no matter if you are upside down in debt. It feels that good.

MARRIED LIFE

Eryn and Jon kissing

Someone should have told me:

1) You will be pulled between families sometimes and no matter which family you chose, they other will have something to say about it.

2) Money sucks. It causes fights. It causes jealousy. And you will take the bottom of the list on what you actually want – under bills, repairs, groceries, pets, children and slightly even with husband.

3) At some point you might eat a can of corn on the front steps, crying because you’re sick and your husband just lost his job. But be strong. This to shall pass.

4) No matter how much you are still in love with your husband and how much you don’t want to be one of those couples who doesn’t have sex for a month… it will still happen. I still haven’t learned this one. I refuse to believe it’s true, but in the back of my head, I know it is.

5) Compromise is a must, even on stupid things like picking out a new comforter for the bed.  Just once I’d like something to be all my idea.

*Bonus – No matter what happens, your heart may swell a million times over because of how much you are in love with your spouse.

MOTHERHOOD

Mother and child

Someone should have told me:

1) You’re house will never be clean even if you do spend all day on Saturday in your sweats, scrubbing everything from top to bottom. By the next day, it will be messy again.

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2) There will be times you won’t get to wash your hair for four days. Whether they are newborns, beckoning your every minute; toddlers getting into everything; or school kids who tell you they need cupcakes made for class the next morning at 8pm. Take a shower when you can, not when you want to.

3) If you have a boy you must learn about superheroes, guns, soccer, football, legos and mud.

4) Learn to sew. You will be sewing holes in knees three weeks after you buy your son a new pair of dress pants.

5) Get over your fears. You will find that you don’t want your fears transferred to your children, nor do you want to look less than capable in their eyes.  They hold you in such high regard that when you can’t come through for them when they need you the most, it breaks your heart in two seeing them trying to cope alone while you’re petrified.

* Bonus – You heart will swell with how much you love your child. It will lurch with every stubbed toe and scrapped knee.

PETS

(L to R) Jett, Ellie & Earl

(L to R) Jett, Ellie, Earl
My 3 Welsh Corgis

Someone should have told me:

1) Any pet you buy your child will be yours with a dooky name. I have a fish that I solely take care of named Spiderman Tailfin.

Spiderman Tailfin

Spiderman Tailfin

2) Dogs get old and grumpy like old men on a front porch yelling at the kids that pass by except they bark.

3) They don’t make doggie diapers for overweight Corgis.

4) Sometimes they are taken from you before you are ready to say goodbye.

5) They will be your best friend even when you are angry and upset. They won’t leave your side for a second and sometimes are even used by God to nudge you and make you remember that you are not alone.

JOBS

Working girl

Working girl

Someone should have told me:

1) Even though kindergarten was far away there will always be someone who is a tattle-tail just to get ahead of you in the working world.

2) We’re not adults, we’re grown children. Work places are just as bad, if not worse than high school.

3) Working for someone sucks. At some point you will realize you are doing work for someone who is making more money and doing less work.

4) FICA is mean. You don’t make $12 per hr. You make $9 thanks to taxes.

5) When you find your perfect career, don’t let it go!

WRITING & PUBLISHING

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Someone should have told me:

1) Writing partners can be such a helpful and amazing tool. Just be careful because some may only use you for help, but not give any back.

2) You will meet people from all over the world!

3) You can’t please everyone, including agents and publishers. Just keep trying, you’ll find the one who loves your work just as much as you do.

Promote any and every where. Even on your car on a cold and rainy day.

Promote any and every where. Even on your car on a cold and rainy day.

4) Being a writer is actually three jobs in one: a) writer b) an advertiser c) a marketer and each one will frustrate you.

5) Competition is fierce. You might hate your best friend one day because their numbers are higher than yours.

 

 

 

I hope you have enjoyed my little commentary. Just a few of life’s lessons that I wish I had an inkling of before I stepped forth into the changes in my life. Some are good, some are bad, but overall they are life and life is precious.

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Violence

I try to keep my articles as positive as I can, but in light of the way too many events in the last year, I feel I can no longer keep quiet. Yesterday yet another tragedy has occurred in the fair city I visited as a child, took my first adult vacation to, and to this day call my second home… that would be the great city of Boston, Massachusetts. Every year runners strive to meet their goal of crossing the finish line to the Boston Marathon. Some have trained for months, some for years and to some even still, it’s a life long dream come true. People come from every state and countries all around just to get the chance to say they competed in the famous race. But this year the marathon was met with disaster as a two bombs exploded near the finish line, killing three and injuring hundreds.

Was it only a few months ago I was in shock over the news of twenty-seven young victims of the Sandy Hook shooting? And two days before that the Oregon mall shooting. And months before that a Colorado movie theater was cleared out from a random shooting going nuts on the crowd while watching Batman.  What is wrong with this world! Is violence so engrained in us that people think killing others is normal?

Think about it… every day we see violence on television, on the internet, and in our movies. I remember when the movie Die Hard was the most violent thing I had ever seen on film. It was bad! Explosions, shooting, men falling out of windows, bloody feet…fast forward to this weekend I watched the movie Lawless. I was hoping was going to be an excellent story about the Prohibition and I expected it to be violent, since it was a rough time in our country’s history.  The lawlessness of the twenties and thirties were legendary in crime books.  But what I saw in this movie made me so disgusted that I had to turn it off. I told my husband later it was about three stages beyond violent.  It truly made me think… if Die Hard were made today it would be rated PG-13.  And again I ask – has violence become so engrained in our systems that the more gore the better?

Maybe that’s where these crazies ( and yes I mean crazies, because what sane person would cause atrocities like these) are getting their ideas. Nothing is sacred anymore. People  are uncensored with the access of the internet. Ask the right question in a search engine and you find whatever you want.  I should I know… my browser history would be under serious question by the feds if I were ever arrested. (My excuse – I’m a writer, I need to be able to explain things like how to blow up a keg of gin with a shot gun). So I guess I may even sound hypocritical in this article, since I contribute to violence in my books. But at least I keep it to a minimum and never go beyond what I can handle seeing, hearing, or reading in my own life.

I hope this world doesn’t get any worse than it already is, but I have a bad feeling it will get worse before it can get better.  All I can do until then is pray. Pray for the insane, pray for the victims but most of all pray that my family and friends are safe wherever they go.

My dear Boston

My dear Boston. I strolled your streets every long weekend I had from ages 17-20.

 

Sweet Angels of Newtown. The town next to Brookfield, CT where I grew up.

Sweet Angels of Newtown. The town next to Brookfield, CT where I grew up.

 

Another place close to me. My publisher is based in Oregon and is such a beautiful area.

Another place close to me. My publisher is based in Oregon and is such a beautiful area.

 

And to think superhero movies are supposed to be fun escapes from reality. Not become part of a more tragic reality.

And to think superhero movies are supposed to be fun escapes from reality. Not become part of a more tragic reality.